October 21, 2007

(America) - Since I cannot believe that the American people are so stupid that they will elect another Clinton to office, and, since it looks as if the distaff side of Crime, Inc., will be the Progressives' choice, I now, also have to state that I don't think Americans will vote for a pretty face, either.

The Pretty People have let us down. Not just Tom Cruise, but good looks in general. People are leery of looks.

So, let's look at the dog-faced candidates and see who fares best:

I think you all know I favor Fred Thompson. He is a brilliant and creative thinker with genuine conservative values. He is also a dog-face. Especially now that he is older and has eschewed a face-lift, he is uglier than I am. This is saying something, because at one time, I actually looked good. Fred has never been handsome. Kindly, methodical, principled, fatherly, gentle? Yes.. Handsome? Not on your life. This, to me, is yet another reason to trust he will make the best president. His only drawback is the number of hot women that flock to him.

Coming in second ugliest is Rudy Giuliani. I mean, the man never met a mirror that liked him. Intelligent, cunning, honest, patriotic, conservative where it counts? Absolutely. Ugly? Absolutely. Although he is not Thompson-ugly, he is, without doubt a true dog-face, and therefore would also probably make a splendid president.

Mike Huckabee is still carrying around some of his youth. His skin is still tight. And, although he has never been called good-looking, his youth works against him. After eight years in the White House, though, he will have aged about 80 years, and he is as just as he is conservative, so it may be that he winds up being the ugliest of all of the candidates and therefore perfectly suited for the presidency. Also in his favor - his name is Huckabee - that's about as unfortunate a name as you can get, and he can't make up for it by being a quarterback or kicking flawless field goals..

John McCain is not ugly, but he can act ugly. This, by itself, puts him in fourth place of my favorites. Oh, I like him well enough, and he has served his state with honor and integrity, but he has already proven that he will do something dumb in a good cause - the immigration thing. We already have somebody like that in office.

Ron Paul is ugly - no doubt about it, but he doesn't have a rat's chance in a Mayanmar restaurant of being elected. No, he's definitely too attractive to Progressives and that makes him number 5.

Which puts Mitt Romney right where he belongs. he would probably make a great president, but he's too damn handsome. Sorry, Mitt, but the truth is the truth.

The preceding discussion is totally unscientific and based entirely on inference and silliness. This is why I think it is as valid an argument as any you will see from any other political commentator.

- Dick Anderson