July 6, 2006
As many of you know, I have been looking for a job for two years, partly as research, partly sincere, and it occurred to me that I might want to go back to teaching in public schools.
This seemed like a great idea. I have over 50 years of experience in radio, acting, and theatre, 30 years in TV journalism, 26 years in advertising, and 11 years in webbing. Why should I not impart some of the stuff I've learned the hard way to kids with blank minds and some ideals?
Seemed like a great idea.
I applied to a couple of private schools and had been accepted, when it occurred to me that I might want to try to get a job, teaching in a S.C. public school.
Now, mind you, I have as much experience as anybody in the state in media and theatre (yes, that's theatRE). Maybe not more than, but definitely as much as. Could I get a job teaching it in our public schools? Not on your life.
How come?
Well, it's that little thing known as "certification." I'm not certified as a teacher. Never mind that I used to teach, and that some of those students have gone on to be state legislators and heart surgeons and still keep in touch. Never mind that. Never mind that I have made a pot full of money by teaching adult actors to speak or act or move and used some of those skills to teach politicians how to keep from being pegged as a boonjug. Nosiree, bobtail! Nope, I had to be certified.
Well, I asked, how should I go about doing that?
Of the 15 educators that I asked in 15 different counties (no, I'm not going to get these people fired by telling you their names), I got 15 different answers. To this day, they all think they are right, and not one of them understands the system that lets old guys like me teach in the classroom.
You have to get a real teacher's certificate from an accredited university and THEN they will let you teach. Some of them blame W for it, saying it's the natural upshot of No Child's Left Behind. This, of course, is total pooh.
Most of the educator administrators are running scared because they don't understand NCLB. It doesn't fit into their idea of an education bureaucracy.
But y'know, even if they did, universities aren't turning out teachers anymore, anyway, except maybe USC. And those are teachers of drama. Most universities miss the fact that a teacher is also a performer. And let me tell you, most of the rags they turn out would not stand up to a single one-nighter at the local joke club. If you can't keep an old fart entertained, you sure aren't going to get a kid to pay attention. And yet, every year, schools turn out bright-eyed people who actually think they can teach! But they can't!
Some are not even competent in their own field of knowledge, but I'm not talking about them. I mean, even the competently knowledged folks. They're taught mumbo-jumbo with new, meaningless terms and a cocktail of really bad management ideas and shoved out the door to deal with the most insidious enemy known to humanity - an eight year old with an attitude.
Why can't Johnny read? Because Susie can't teach what she knows. The only thing these pathetic excuses for teachers can command is the time on their cell phones. But don't blame them. Look in the mirror. It's our fault.. WE let it get this bad. We gave these bureaucratic morons the power. And trust me, they don't have a clue about how to make teachers who can teach.
And WHOEVER gets elected State Superintendent is going to have eleventy-thousand, entrenched, hard-butt bureaucrats just ready to make whatever changes are made, completely unfulfillable.
The only salvation, the ONLY salvation, is to scrap the people, the system, and maybe even the buildings and start all over again. Keep the teachers, but send them to performers school. No Kidding!
By the way, I might just take one of those private schools' offers.
Dick Anderson
