SOUTH CAROLINA DREAM CARPETS

 

June 15, 2005

 

When it comes to transportation, South Carolina is not ready.  There are many different reasons for this with many fingers making many different gestures at many different people because of those reasons.

 

I blame the SCDOT.

 

I was going to blame the Episcopal Church, but since they recently declared that they not only don’t believe in sin anymore, they don’t believe in an actual God, either, I figure -they're already doomed, so why bother.

 

Anyway, a few facts about the South Carolina Department of Transportation.  Back when they were just the Highway Department, South Carolina, believe it or not, had the best highway system in the world.  Yes, even better than the Autobahn in Germany.  But that was then and this is now.  Now, the Highway Department has a fancy name, but doesn’t know whether to scratch its watch or wind its butt.  It took an act of the legislature just to get them to be nice to people.

 

The SCDOT is still just as political as the old Highway Department used to be, but for some reason, the world is moving too fast for them, and they can't seem to be able to catch up.  A good example of this is the pathetically planned and executed I-385 project in Greenville County.  It's a year behind schedule and liable to be two years behind when finished.  Even more surprising is that the entire project is already obsolete.  When the three-lane highway has an inaugural ceremony, the highway will already be jammed.

 

It doesn't take a Jackie Stewart to see that this is poor planning and poor budgeting based on poor science.  But this is only one instance.  And to tell the truth, we still do road repair more sanely than North Carolina.  Up there, the words "road construction" are synonymous with "highway gridlock."  But just because we are better than horrible doesn’t mean we have to put up with awful.

 

Right about now, those who have a love affair with the SCDOT are saying, "Oh yeah? Can you do any better?"

 

The answer, of course is, "Yes, as a matter of fact."

 

And since they asked:

 

The very first thing I would do is fire everybody at SCDOT above the grunts.  They all get to stay.  After all, they're the only ones doing any work, anyway.

 

The next thing is hire some dreamers - people who do nothing but think stuff up.  That's all they do - think stuff up.  Then I would marry them to some real-life Clemson or Carolina-graduated engineers who can take their dreams and turn them into realities.

 

Next, I would ask them to dream at least 15 years into the future and take all the changes that are going to happen and make plans for them.  Real plans.  Plans that can make a difference.

 

All roads would be made of concrete.  Period.  Patchwork would be done in sections of concrete.  Period.  All roadwork would be done by sober people.  No-one with  "Highway Construction" in their name would ever get bidding approval.

 

Then I would hire two salesmen - one for the Senate and one for the House.  No PR people - PLEASE!!!!  Salesmen - people who could sell manure to a cow.  They would be in charge of convincing our legislative bretheren and sisters on the obvious advantages of good traffic policy before they become outdated.  This would, in itself, be a novelty.  If by some chance, the Governor ever got his mitts on the SCDOT, I would hire a man with a mallet. He is a good man and would know what to do, if you can get his attention.

 

I would then call on the S.C. National Guard to round up every econut and public transportation advocate in the state and escort them to Vermont, where they belong.

 

But that's just right now.  Eventually we will have flying cars and won't need so many roads.  And our dreamers will continue to dream.  Fuels will change.  People will change. Things and materials will be change.

 

But that's what planning is all about.  Forward thinking at least 15 years ahead.  Adaptability.  And living with change.

 

It's a strong challenge and one that SCDOT isn’t even trying to do.  But that's what I'd do.  Dreaming is what meets challenge.  And we South Carolinians can be great dreamers if we want to.