I hate phone dial-up.

      It's not that I hate phones or the internet or any of the other stuff that comes along with the web. Except phone dial-up. I hate it.

      I realize that there are people who happily go about their lives, come home for a few minutes' diversion, and are perfectly happy with phone dial-up to surf the internet. Our site is set up so that, for everything except video, people can use phone dial-up. I still hate phone dial-up.

      Right about now, you might be asking yourself why it is that I hate phone dial-up so much.

      See, I have to go out of town every once in a while. Normally, we have somebody who "feeds the net" when I'm off or out of town. But on those rare occasions when our schedules don't merge, I have to feed the net myself from a phone dial-up connection.

      If you have a DSL connection or faster, you know what I'm about to say. If you have phone dial up, let me tell you that compared to our T1 connection, a phone dial-up is like watching paint dry.

      Phone dial-up is horribly, awfully, tediously, insufferably, miltonianly, shastakovichianly BORING! Something that takes mere seconds on our servers takes upwards to a minute or more to upload. Forget LARGE files like video or the long audio discussions that make our site so different from all the rest! A lousy 15kb file takes as much as 15 seconds to upload. (Remember that uploading always takes up to 8 times longer than downloading).

And forget about that "five times faster" horse manure. It's not.       I don't wanna even talk about being disconnected or being bumped off with call-waiting.

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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gggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!

      o.k. I'm better now.