SCIENCE
I read an article in one of the State's newspapers,
yesterday - not gonna tell ya which one - that shows
what scientific ninnies we've all become.
The article was written by some well meaning PR flak for a rather new,
prestigious, and generally conservative conservation group. They realize the
importance of the economy as well as the ecology and seek a proper balance.
They are worthy of a few of your bucks - at least, so far.
Anyway, this person wrote that trees are the backbone of our ecology. According
to the writer, this was because of:
1. oxygen creation
2. water conservation
3. energy storing
4. decrease global warming
5. Esthetics, and so,
6. increase property values.
Yet, scientific examination decries every single one of these reason. None of
them are absolute fact. And there are other reasons which make trees our
enemies.
1. To begin with, oxygen creation capabilities of trees is
a myth. A conifer (pine tree), the most efficient oxygen creator in the tree
universe, with a thirty yard branch circumference will produce about 2/3rds the
amount of oxygen v. the same circumference of lawn grass. But, unfortunately,
it will create a 6th more CO2 (greenhouse gas) as grass will. You will find a
very interesting discussion on oxygen creation and energy conservation,
guaranteed to enable a satisfying nap, at a documented DISCUSSION ON COMPOSTE.
2. Trees are necessary to water conservation. No-one disputes that. However,
they are not the best conserver. Again, that prize goes to good ole lawn grass.
Fescue, Zoysia, you get the picture. This is why you
will see highway departments put up either sloping banks of lawn grass or
concrete on the sides of the caverns they dig to run their highways through.
See DOT tracts on Highway construction justification.
3. Trees store energy. There is no doubt about this one. The problem is that if
all it does is store energy, it is useless to humans. In order for humans to
get use from the energy stored in trees, humans have to CHOP DOWN THE
4. Decrease Global Warming is precisely what growing trees will not do. We
already told you about the greenhouse gasses it produces. Of course, we learned
the other day that since we have decreased particulates in the air, we have
made it easier for smaller amounts of greenhouse gasses to cause more warming -
they say. ("they" being the sillies who told
us that particulates would cause global warming.) Either way, though, it
doesn't matter because we're all doomed. The Earth's temperature naturally
rises 10° F every billion years (Science Channel: How the Earth Will End)
because of the vicissitudes of the planet v. the sun. Sorry. By the way, you
can see everything you wanted to know about Global Warming from a true
scientific angle by going to junkscience.com.
5. Trees are pretty. Wrong again. This a value
judgment, pure and simple. There are millions of people who spend endless
weekends and millions of dollars making their lawn grass (some with no trees at
all) look perfect. A well manicured lawn, to them, is worth more than fine
gold, much less a dumb tree. Remember the movies about poor people in the South
who had lovely old oaks in their yards and no grass? That was ok during the
depression, but today, people would think you're trash. Especially
if you were an eco-PR flak.
6. Same thing. Trees and no lawn? You better have a lotta rocks in place of them or your property isn't going
to be worth squat!
And now the bad news. Since local garden clubs, the
number one enemy of society, have held sway, more
flowering and hardwood trees have been planted in
Look. I like a tree as much as the next guy. My Scottish Clan emblem IS the Oak
Tree, no coat of arms (my
And grass already has an humble enough heritage.
- Dick Anderson