May 23, 2005 - 00:01 (Z-04h)
I tasted my first Diet Coke® made with Splenda®, today.
It made me so angry that I actually thought of throwing it away. But you all know what a cheapskate I am, so I finished it. As the concoction slithered down my gullet, thoughts came to me that I have not had for years - things that I thought had passed me by. Here's a taste:
- Yankees must have taken over the Coca Cola company. Why? because only Yankees could have such depraved taste buds. (Have you ever had chili made by someone from New Jersey? - Has no taste & they put it on mashed potatoes!)
- The taste-testers must be under the age of 15 or over the age of 80. People that old need a boost to their sweet tasting apparati and people under 15 still think Twizzlers® are a treat.
- Now we know what happened to the people who brought you New Coke®
- Is this one of those Metric to Imperial conversion mistakes? - talk about missing Mars!
- If I'd wanted a candy bar, I'd have gotten a candy bar.
- Is this what Hare Krishnas drink? Will it make me smile a lot and say things like "peace & flowers, dude?"
- You know, saccharine and aspartame are not all that bad for you.
- I'll bet these people think a hippopotamus is a type of bird.
- Come alive…… you're in the.. oh, never mind.
- Splenda® added using Million-Man March Math!
Most of you know that I have type II diabetes. You may not know that I have been waiting for Coke® to come out with Splenda® for some time. Diet Rite Soft Drinks are made with it and are spledalicious! I had the same expectations for Coke®. Oooops!
I hope the Coke® people are not so stupid or hidebound that they refuse to reduce the amount of Splenda® they're currently adding - by about a third. Trust me on this you Coke® dudes. Reduce it by 1/3rd - or you're gonna have another NEW COKE® debacle on your hands. And do it NOW before any more people learn to hate you.
