I was going to write this really neat article about Tiger Woods and how great he is and how we hped you enjoyed the portal to the free Masters golf-site, but then I read this reply on a webboard I belong to, and it became clear that this is what you should read today. The guy who wrote it - with some editing from me - we call, "Esso." It is as brilliant as it is useful.

            But then, let's say someone came up to you tomorrow, and said, "Hey - I'm involved in a sport called 'hula-hula,' which I really, really like, and which involves amusing sexual acts with small animals that you would never even want your children to know about.

            "And it really bothers me that my sport, hula-hula, doesn't get the respect that baseball does. So ya know what? From now on, I want you to call my sport, despite the amusing sexual acts with small animals, despite that fact that it doesn't even involve baseballs and running around four bases, BASEBALL.

            "Now, you can stop right now! Don't even bother to protest. Because, if you do, you're a BIGOT.

            "More than that, I want you to teach your children that there is no difference between baseball and hula-hula, and that they are, in fact, equivalent, and that the acts underlying hula-hula are just as 'good' and as the wholesome as baseball.

            "And, if you try to make some distinction between baseball and hula-hula, and if you refuse to call hula-hula baseball, or teach your kids to make any distinctions, we're gonna come after you with hate-crime laws. You shall not dare you say they're not the same thing?

            "And.. And, we're gonna get judges to force you to call baseball hula-hula, and we're gonna call you bigots and hulaphobes and haters if you don't go along with this. Oh, yeah, and that claim of yours, that baseball is intrinsically good and hula-hula is not, well, you can forget that. We will not tolerate the truth of distinctions between the two - especially when it involves your children's schools. Moreover, if you teach that your Team endorses baseball and not hula-hula, we're gonna infiltrate and take over your Teams, and persecute them.

            "You have no right to say that baseball and hula-hula are not the same, or to teach your children that.

            "Yes, we're going to take over your word, baseball, and apply it to what we do. You disagree? Tough."

Now where in the heck have we heard that argument before?