Do we really care about soccer, or is this another yuppie aberration?

            The husband of my favorite cousin lusts after soccer. It doesn't help that he is a physicist, a college professor, and a liberal, either. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but his aversion to all other sports BUT soccer is just soooo telling.

            Think about it! They kick this tacky little punkin' around for 90 minutes. Most of the players are so bad that even when they're right in front of the goal they don't score. They act as if they are opera stars, and in this country, that's not saying a whole lot. Doesn't matter what team, what country, or what contest. It has all the sweat of professional basketball, all the crude crowds, but none of the scoring. It's like hockey in slow motion - no ice, no boxing.

            I think the real reason I don't like soccer is that it's so typically European, that is to say so typically arrogant and socialistic. It's like watching Shakespeare on a foreign language TV channel. It's understandable, but it's really, really silly. Think: German Slapping Dance - OK? Are Europeans' lives so horribly, awfully uninspiring that they actually have to gather in large stadia and watch this stuff?

            And just think, only a few centuries ago, Europeans were cheering to life and death events.

            Look at other countries around the world. You don't see them going berserk over this European mistake. You can't count South America, because it's just another extension of Spain, and we know what kind of heroes the Spaniards are. So, that leaves Africa, India, and Australia (China's favorite game is ping-pong which should tell you more about crowd control than sports).

            You think the favorite sport in these places is soccer? Not on your life. Footy is the big deal down under. After that, it's Cricket. After that it's Rugger. Soccer comes in a poor fourth. Africa and India are BIG cricket countries. Best thing about the old British Empire, cricket.

            You know what the favorite sports in America are - Football, Baseball, and Basketball. Soccer doesn't even come in a pale fifth. You'd have to go through wrestling, gymnastics, nude mud wrestling, lacrosse (which is a form of nude mud wrestling), and tennis before you get to soccer.

            No, we Americans may never have to deal with soccer in any real way. And as Patton said, we "..may thank God for it."